Remember the first time you told me you loved me?

Whatever I’m about to write right now isn’t going to be good enough.

Honestly, there’s really not a good way to put into words how much I freaking love you.

You saved me. You saved me from a life that I cringe to think about.  In the cheesiest – and in the realist way – you made my dreams come true. My own Prince Charming.  Thank you, babe. Thank you fifty billion GILLION times for loving me. 

Remember the first time you told me you loved me?

We were 15 & 16 years old. It was right after you spent six months swearing to me that “love” wasn’t a “real” emotion because, from experience, no person in the world is capable of loving anyone more than themselves. Only after you had convinced me that you were stone-cold and had never ever shed one tear….  you CRIED and told me you loved me in your stinky blue truck. With a Hurley hat on.

I’ll never, ever, ever forget that moment. Ever. I remember being SO annoyed because a week before you were all “I don’t love anyone” and so I got back together with my lil’ high school boo thing and then BOOM. You laid that on me. Tears and all. It was the sweetest thing ever. 

There was a phase in our lives when we didn’t communicate, because you weren’t “allowed” to…. That was honestly the darkest phase of my life. It’s hard for me to even reflect on those times because I’ve blocked it out. 

I just know you weren’t there and it was very hard on me. 

When we first met, it was like the ZING in that one movie with the Dracula and that red head. Exactly like that. Right?! I mean I remember the first time I looked at your face… and those eyes. I remember the first time we hugged. How you used to stare at me at Colton’s when we were working. Your little smile  

I miss those days. I always had butterflies just sitting next to you. We stayed on the phone for hours & hours and you’d fall asleep…and I’d hang up and call you 50 times to wake you back up. Lunch breaks from work were the peak of my days. But as fate would have it, we never got the chance to really get into our emotions with each other because we were always dating other people, at the wrong time. When we’d randomly catch up, we always talked about how timing just wasn’t right… but the feelings were deep. We always knew that about each other. There was always something more there.

I’ll never forget the way I cherished our “phone-friendship” throughout the years. In all my outlandish endeavors,  you always answered my sobbing 3 AM phone calls. Usually about some nonsense that you couldn’t care less about… but you listened to. 

You always listened. You always gave me the best advice. {I remember telling Mom about you when we started seeing each other and I said “I listen to his advice and I actually TAKE it!” She was instantly sold because I don’t listen to annnnyyyyooonneee evvveeerrrr!} I would run to you and you’d always say “if you’re happy, I’m happy”.

But neither of us were ever actually happy. 

I always dreamt of you. Well James Franco, but I mean basically you. It felt like you were in my dreams, though, and every time I woke up from one I would have an overwhelming feeling…. 

Of sadness. 

I clearly remember the first time I ever FaceTimed you. I was wearing a red tank top and I was telling you about my gangster alter-ego I had in California where I acted like a gang member from Arkansas. We talked for hours and laughed the entire time. You were sitting at Nathan’s playing video games – of course. We talked about how many kids we each wanted and we both wanted FOUR. 

I know you remember that deal babe… we should totally adopt that 4th one though..eventually.

It took only one FaceTime call and life had purpose again. I knew it was you the WHOLE time. I always knew you were The One…even ask Brooke!

And here we are. 

Five years later. A bus load of kids later… countless arguments later… endless struggles later… like five whole YEARS later. 

I feel like that’s a lot. I am so proud of where we are in our relationship. I know we aren’t perfect. Yes, we could be better on a hundred different levels – but I love US. I love that our love is unique. I love that I can flip out and lose my mind and you can tell me to go away…. and then sometimes, I can apologize and we can kiss and make up. 

You’re amazing. You are too good for me. You’re way too smart for me. You look like James Franco and I don’t look like any famous person. You’re WAY funnier than me…but I mean, you’ve made me a funnier person, for sure. You’ve given me everything you have. From your last dollar to the last ounce of energy and all of your patience and love. 

You deserve everything in the world babe. 

I can’t give you the world but I WANT to give you ALL of me for the rest of my life. I want to you to be my best friend FOR actual EVER. Like gray hair… scratching butts… and hearing aids. I want to love you every single day, forever. 

Thanks babe. Thanks for giving me everything. I adore you. I’m obsessed with you. I love you and I cherish you.

Happy fifth anniversary, baby